There is no way
to compare learning about the Holocaust through textbooks and pictures in a
classroom setting versus my experience setting foot on Auschwitz I
(concentration camp) and Auschwitz II- Birkenau (concentration/extermination
camp). As a Human Rights cohort (of 10 women), we had become relatively
comfortable around each other, talking quite a lot, and cracking many jokes.
When the van (containing 5 of the 10 women) approached the camps, I noticed how
quiet we became. If was as if our minds needed the silence to grasp the
experience before us. Personally, my lips felt sealed and my eyes felt wide as
we approached the gate surrounding each camp.
Our cohort was
fortunate enough to have a guide, Paweł,
with extensive knowledge of the concentration/extermination sites. Paweł led us
through each, explaining every space we entered, whether it was a physical
building or the remains of what was once there.
It is impossible
to label every emotion I felt while taking in such devastating historical
sites. I would like to share a few moments from these two places. In Auschwitz
I there was a whole room in Block 5 piled high with shoes worn by the prisoners.
The shoes fill the room and none of them were in an exact pair. There were many
children’s shoes in these piles. One tiny child’s shoe stood alone and caught
my eye. So many shoes worn by the feet of so many innocent people. Then there
was Room 5 of Block 4. This room contained a glass display of the hair cut off
the prisoners. There was so much hair and it was kept in original condition
with nothing to preserve it. To me, this means that the mountain of hair had already
started to deteriorate. I couldn’t imagine how tall that mountain was to begin
with. Both camps impacted me greatly but Birkenau overwhelmed me the most.
Birkenau was quite larger than Auschwitz I and was the location of the
exterminations. I will never be able to forget the smell of the women’s and men’s
barracks. The smell is not something I can explain, but it sticks with me to
this day. We also walked to Crematorium IV and the gas chambers where the
prisoners were exterminated. As we stood there staring at the leftover rubble
from the building, Paweł painted the
scene for us. He read a story from a surviving Sonderkommando who had to escort
the prisoners to the extermination chambers. I won’t tell you the story but I
will tell you that the Sonderkommando felt very conflicted having lied to the prisoners
to keep them calm and then stood there as they screamed in panic until their
deaths. At this point, I wanted to throw up and couldn’t keep my eyes dry. In
both Auschwitz I and Birkenau, I couldn’t help but notice how easily we walked
back and forth, inside and out, of the camps’ gates. I feel so guilty for being
able to drive away from the camps when so many lives never had a chance to
leave and live.
Leaving each camp was no different than how we
arrived. We left in silence. My mind felt so full and my heart ached. It is
hard to fathom that someone strategically planned the construction of these
places, including the various ways to dehumanize in the quickest and most
effective manner. I am disgusted. I am sad. I am angry. A comment of
hate-speech or discrimination, that may seem so harmless, is what begins the
process of genocide. It is my duty as a social worker, as an advocate, and as a
human, to reduce discrimination and educate always (including myself).
In the words of the Righteous, Paulina Plaksej,
who shared her story with our cohort, “you must help people in need”. This may
seem so simple to state, but every small act contributes to an even bigger
movement. In Paulina’s case, it was an act that saved lives.
